Breaking: Humor Emergency Declared

MILWAUKEE, WI - The Centers for Disease Control has officially classified area father Bob Henderson's latest joke as a "Category 5 Dad Joke" after it caused temporary hearing loss in three witnesses and forced scientists to create an entirely new classification system for terrible humor.

The joke in question, delivered at a family barbecue, was: "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." The punchline was reportedly accompanied by Henderson's signature move of slapping his knee and looking around expectantly for laughter that never came.

"We've been tracking dad joke quality for decades," said Dr. Sarah Martinez, lead researcher at the National Institute of Humor Sciences. "This joke didn't just break our existing scale - it shattered it. We had to invent new mathematical concepts to properly categorize its level of terrible."

The Immediate Aftermath

Witnesses to the joke report a variety of symptoms including temporary speechlessness, involuntary eye-rolling, and what medical professionals are calling "acute humor fatigue syndrome."

"I heard the setup and thought, 'Oh no, here we go,'" said Henderson's neighbor, Mike Thompson. "But nothing could have prepared me for the actual punchline. I experienced what I can only describe as a humor blackout. For fifteen seconds, I forgot that comedy existed as a concept."

Henderson's teenage daughter Emma has been in humor recovery therapy since the incident. "Dad jokes are usually just embarrassing," she explained. "But this one was so bad it made me question the entire concept of language. Why do we have words? Why do we combine them into sentences? What's the point of human communication if this is what we're going to do with it?"