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Scientists Confirm Microwave Clock is Permanently Wrong, Accept This as Universal Constant

Research reveals 100% of microwave displays show incorrect time, Nobel Committee considers award for person who fixes theirs.

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Man Successfully Uses Entire Tube of Toothpaste, Scientists Study Phenomenon

Rare achievement of extracting final drop from tube baffles researchers, technique involves complex origami and "aggressive optimism."

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Breaking: Area Mom Finds Missing Sock, Parallel Universe Theory Confirmed

Discovery of sock presumed lost in dryer dimension shakes foundation of physics, laundry room declared potential portal.

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Scientists Prove That "One More Episode" is Actually Impossible to Stop At

Groundbreaking research confirms streaming services have weaponized human psychology, "Next Episode" button declared crime against sleep.

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Breaking: Gravity Still Works, Citizens Relieved

Gravity functionality confirmed by authorities

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