The Great Meeting Mystery Solved

CORPORATE AMERICA - A groundbreaking workplace study has confirmed what office workers have suspected for decades: absolutely nobody knows what they're doing in meetings, and everyone is just hoping someone else will figure it out.

The comprehensive research, conducted by the Institute for Workplace Productivity (or lack thereof), surveyed 10,000 office workers across 500 companies and found that 94% of meeting attendees spend most of their time nodding thoughtfully while internally screaming.

"The data is shocking," said lead researcher Dr. Amanda Foster. "We discovered that most business decisions are made through an elaborate process of collective confusion, strategic nodding, and somebody eventually volunteering to 'circle back' on something they don't understand either."

The Nodding Phenomenon

The research revealed that the average meeting consists of 67% nodding, 23% saying phrases like "let's take this offline," and 10% actual productive discussion - though that 10% is usually someone asking if everyone can see their screen (the answer is invariably no).

"I've been in meetings about meetings about other meetings," reported study participant Jennifer Martinez. "At some point, I started nodding so much that I developed a repetitive strain injury in my neck. But I kept nodding because I thought everyone else understood what was happening."

One particularly revealing case study involved a marketing manager who attended the same weekly meeting for three years without ever understanding its purpose. "I just kept showing up and agreeing with whatever Linda from accounting said," he explained. "Turns out Linda didn't know what we were doing either. We were all just following each other in an endless circle of corporate confusion."